Today I have been rudderless, unable to stick myself to a project. Disinterested in sticking to any project except perhaps reading a very enticing book that I am in the middle of. I have felt myself spiral into a kind of apathy and for some reason I find that state very distressing. I always have. All day I have been thinking, “Write the blog” but I feel I kind of have to be in the heavenly mood or something. But if this exercise in recognizing heaven is not going to work for me and I choose to avoid it if I’m feeling a bit lost then what’s the point. So here we are.
A beautiful teacher, perhaps my favorite teacher used to say that good company is essential for spiritual progress. It seems to me today that the idea of good company extends far beyond the idea of who you hang out with but into the realm of what we feed our minds. I mentioned the engrossing book, it’s great but macabre and depressing – not good company. Since I was a kid I have been keenly aware of what the consumption of entertainments does to my system. There are many movies that made me feel like I want to take a bath after I have seen them, there were books that thoroughly depressed me. I find myself wondering if I really need to read this stuff, do I need to go into those distressing places. I want to know what’s going on in the world, I want to know what other people are finding engrossing and what’s on the New York Times best seller list but I am determined to watch my state while I do and not to slide into even a tiny abyss.
I was about to pick up the book again, I will finish it. But right now I am taking a mood lifting break. I remembered that often when I feel a bit down I can put the qawwali singer Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan on and instantly my heart soars. I feel blessed to have found a sure shot mood lifting fix for myself. Music is an easy reminder that heaven is here.